That is when it happened.
Downstairs filled with noise.
Bright flashing lights.
More drama and fascination than found most places.
Yet upstairs it was calm.
Soft yellow lights.
People seated at large round tables.
There we were.
Women looking for direction.
Seeking something more for their blog.
But then it happened.
Seeking something more became a realization.
Listening to her speak.
Moments of truth came.
Spoken just for me.
I didn’t really want to hear it.
Because I really think I can do it all.
But I simply cannot.
Health places limits on life.
Especially when I fail to limit myself.
And she said so eloquently what I could not say.
What I could not voice.
When I needed the strength to say it.
She felt guilty for sleeping.
It seems so silly now typing it here in this space.
But something just resonated through me.
The strength in her voice.
And she didn’t apologize once.
The guilt that eats me alive.
The to do list a mile long that keeps me awake.
Well into tomorrow.
And I spend too many nights falling asleep at the computer.
Just trying to get it all done.
I simply cannot do it all.
And I feel guilty for sleeping.
For taking time away from the tasks at hand.
When reality truly is different for me.
My health severely limits me.
And I try to pretend it does not.
But it does.
I need more sleep, not less than most people.
Yet I take way less than what I need.
Somehow denying myself seems easier at the moment.
Yet, who really suffers is my boys.
Reality means facing it.
There are children to teach.
A life to live.
Pictures to edit.
Blogs to write.
Pins to curate.
Yet I keep on keeping on wondering when it will change.
The truth is it does change.
My boys grow and get older every day.
Every new day means one more closer to them leaving the nest.
One day they will fly away.
And I will have missed that time with them.
Precious moments no one should ever miss.
So I need to learn to be okay with sleeping.
To give myself permission to sleep.
Permission to rest.
Life will still go on…
This is my moment.
Bloggy Boot Camp Vegas 2012.
Those moments that change you…
You never know when they will happen.